Something scary

So yesterday I woke up with knots in my stomach and actually questioning if I should have coffee! It was the day I would be photographing my first wedding with a gracious new photographer friend, Charis. I kept pacing the kitchen and thinking of all the worst case scenarios that could happen if I were doing this for a business (you know, trying to talk myself out of this crazy profession that would give me pause to drink coffee.)

I ask Chris, what happens if you get deathly sick and can't make it? I mean, what if you're puking everywhere and just cannot possibly do it? They could sue you for ruining their day! Insurance he says. So I ask, what if you drop your camera while you're there? What if you get in a car accident on the way? What if...

An hour later I'm printing off the directions to the church and Charis pops up... "I'm sick as a dog... vomiting everywhere...looking for a replacement...you can still go..." WHAT?!?!?

Why I decide to go is still hazy. I think I knew that if I backed down I'd lose something important of my own character. This was a test of my gumption, my resolve, my faith.

I get the directions, realize it's further than I thought, tell Charis I'm going and to call me and tell me what the heck to do. So I'm on the road for 2 hours of constant stomach pain... what am I doing? Is she coming? Will she find someone? Am I going to end up there alone? Our text messages read like this: "Just start shooting. Noone knows you're not a professional." "What's the Bride's name?"

Just before pulling up to the church I learn another photographer is coming and that I can just assist her in the same way. I would have hidden in the car had it not been one of the only ones in the small parking lot. I HAD to get out. I HAD to walk toward the church. There was no turning back. I could see the parents in the foyer. They could see me. It was the longest walk of faith I've taken in a long time.

You know, in the past I would have said, "God showed up." And don't get me wrong, I think he did. The replacement photographer and I got on great, had tons in common, and I learned a lot from her. The entire day ended up being eerily perfect for my first experience. But I also have to say, and can do so without doubt, that I showed up too. I mustered something up out of my character that needed to come out from hiding- courage and self-confidence. In the end, I may not have gotten anything better than good snapshots, but I gained so much personally.

Talitha and I ended our day sipping coffee together and I drove home.... to find Chris treating the kids' heads for lice!