But occasionally the mother instinct kicks in. For me, when it does, it comes on fierce.
Today I got a somewhat frantic call from Aidan's school. There had been an "accident." She didn't want to alarm me, but he may have a concussion. Immediately I felt blame. Funny how it wasn't sadness or protection or concern that came first, though those emotions followed. My first response was anger and it manifested as blame. One name popped into my head. I knew in my gut it was due to him.
Aidan has been having problems with a class bully. It's been a challenge to coach him through it as a Christian family. What did Jesus mean when he said turn the other cheek? What does it mean to love your enemy? How do you ask that of a kid? Do you? It's thrilling to us to be in the public school system and we're excited for how it will shape our kids, confident and hopeful that it will be positive. We're journeying together as a family in this. And how evident that was as I wrestled my emotions into control on the drive to his school.
I feared my own sarcasm and hoped my anger wouldn't ooze out into my response. I wanted this kid's head! How dare he hurt my son, again? So I tried breathing. 3 long, deep breaths. In came compassion, out went blame. Inhale love, exhale hate. In with grace, out with bitterness. This is how I was coaching myself.
And you know what? It worked! That's not breathing for you. Not physically. But spiritually, that's about as tangible as the holy spirit living inside you gets.
Aidan fought back tears as he fell into my arms. I remember doing something similar as a five year old after being lost on the school bus route one day. And it was enough to turn the mama bear instinct into a constructive problem solving tone to be had with the Principal.
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